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TOUGH TIMES

 I will never forget those kids in our ballet class and how they would laugh at us for not wearing the proper "footwear".  Sometimes they would call my brother and I names like "Sissy" or "Funny Dancing Cowboys".  But we could always count on Mom to comfort us when we came home from a tough ballet practice.  She would always assure us that ballet was not just for girls.  She also told us that someday

we would thank her for our "dancing" talents and the character it built.

To this day I remember the ballet starting positions and how much our instructor worried that our cowboy boots would "scuff" the dancing surface.  I often use the "tipi-toe" technique to gain that all important height advantage.  And sometimes I even wear my "ballet costume" underneath my clothes on the days I need a little "extra" confidence.  I guess mom was right after all...  a big "thank you" to mom!  and an even bigger "thank you" for life's "tough times".

PRICE: $35

I LIKE APPLES

I like apples.  Not many people know this about me.  I don't tell everybody this when I first meet them because of the obvious reactions it could spark.  Apples are not only red, but they contain juice.  I like to call it "apple-juice".  This is the part that offends many people.  THEY think the juice from the apples is evil.  THEY think it will make them "apple-like" to be in contact with this forbidden juice.  I am not the type to push my apple beliefs on the weak and the confused.  I am a man of hidden conviction that will never be harnessed to the standards of "apple-less" souls. I will not force the world to accept my somewhat "dangerous" views on the apple. For I am a much bigger man than that.  My only request is for THEM to die of un-natural causes.

Those who read this are few; to understand is to believe
 
You are the chosen.  I love apples, and I am not afraid to cry.

Will you be my valentine?

PRICE: $45 – SOLD

SCHOOL ESSAY

Not by Bobby Sweezy

The cat watched me.  I watched the cat.  It seemed to me that its' eyes held all the answers to all the questions in the Universe.  Then the cat turned, swished its' tail once and sashayed away.  (Note: sashaying is a sort of walk, which can only be accomplished with finesse by cats, and by ladies wearing bustles.)  The cat was leaving!  All of the answers to the great mysteries of life were escaping!  So I called.  I said, "hey cat!”  It stopped and looked back at me, as if to ask "got any tuna?"

Now the cat lives with me.  I threw away his collar with some one else's address on it.  He truly is wise and has answers to those questions, which once caused me so much stress.  Now, when the telephone rings and a man with a voice resembling that of the faceless "Johnny" who gives away all of the prizes on game shows asks if I would like to buy something, I just tell him to "hold on".  Then I give the phone to the cat.  The cat purrs and rubs itself against the phone.  I don't know what the man on the other end of the line thinks of this, but I do know that he does not call back.

I now know, however, that the cat is not smarter than I am.  He cannot program the VCR or play chess, at least not well.

--Iris Dishman

PRICE: NOT FOR SALE

MY UNCLE JIMMY

When I was 8 years old I caught my Uncle Jimmy in his room putting on a red suit and a white beard.  I was shocked!  Santa wasn't some fat guy who lived at the North Pole!  Santa was my Uncle Jimmy with a pillow stuffed in his shirt!

Now when I see "Santa" at the mall or at parties I always wink, give him an affectionate pat on the rear and whisper, "I know you're Uncle Jimmy".  He usually ignores me, but I understand that he has to keep up his "act".

It feels pretty good knowing that my Uncle spreads such joy to all the boys and girls around the world.  No wonder he doesn't have time to visit during the holidays...

P.S. If you see my Uncle Jimmy this year... don't tell him I told you.

PRICE: $25

A MEMORIAL

 I was asked to give this memorial to my best friend, Theodore Ryan "Turby" Larson, whom I have known

for 52 years.

Theodore was a guy who loved Potato Turbate.  Most people called him "Theo".  Those who knew him best liked to call him "Turby".  People who were trying to get his attention, but didn't really know him, would usually just say, "hey you!"

Theodore liked his Potato Turbate served piping hot... right out of the oven.  He ate it at almost every meal,

except for breakfast and lunch.  On Christmas Eve he would spread cold Potato Turbate on little crackers

and leave them for Santa.

One day Theodore stopped eating Potato Turbate.  No one was really sure why.  That was 51 years ago.

I'm not real sure what he ate after that.  But I do know that I miss "Turby"... we all do.  He was a special man and I cherish my sweet memories of him.

Special-Bonus Section!

Turby's Potato Turbate Recipe:

Serving Size: 8

Preparation Time:  0:30

Ingredients:
1 pound hamburger
1 onion
1 dash garlic powder
1 dash pepper
2/3 cup milk
4 tablespoons margarine
2 2/3 cups mashed potato flakes
1 can mushroom soup
2 slices cheddar cheese
3 dashes paprika

Fry hamburger & onion in skillet, add garlic and pepper.

Add mushroom soup to mixture in bottom of baking pan.

Boil 2 2/3 cup water, milk and margarine in pan. When it comes to a boil remove from heat and add the potato flakes stirring vigorously until it becomes a "gloppy".

Spread this substance over the hamburger mixture.  Place cheese on top and criss-cross the paprika.

Cover the entire dish and put in the oven at 375 for 1/2 hour to 1 hour.

Serving Ideas : This is one of those stand alone dishes.

PRICE: $60

Got a good one? Send it to me! Bobby Sweezy

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